Which sorry to use
| Situation | Say | Pinyin |
|---|---|---|
| You made a real mistake or hurt someone | 对不起 (對不起) ★ | duìbuqǐ |
| You bumped someone, are late, or need a favor | 不好意思 | bù hǎoyìsi |
| A company, a sign, or a formal message apologizes | 抱歉 ★ / 很抱歉 / 非常抱歉 | bàoqiàn |
| You ask forgiveness for something serious | 请原谅 (請原諒) | qǐng yuánliàng |
| You get a stranger’s attention | 不好意思 / 请问 (請問) | bù hǎoyìsi / qǐngwèn |
| You need to get past someone | 借过 (借過) | jièguò |
| You interrupt someone | 打扰一下 (打擾一下) | dǎrǎo yíxià |
对不起: a real apology
- Literally: "cannot face (you)", which is why it carries weight.
- Pronunciation: duìbuqǐ. The middle 不 is said lightly, in the neutral tone.
- Stronger: 真对不起 (really sorry) or 对不起，是我的错 (sorry, it’s my fault).
For small things, 对不起 is fine but heavier than needed; most people say 不好意思.
不好意思: the everyday sorry
不好意思 means something like "I feel embarrassed". It covers light apologies (running late, stepping on a foot), polite requests, and "excuse me" when you want someone’s attention: 不好意思，请问洗手间在哪儿？ (Excuse me, where is the restroom?)
It is also how people react to praise or a gift: 哎呀，不好意思 (oh, you shouldn’t have). You will hear it constantly in both mainland China and Taiwan.
Tone note: 不 stays fourth tone here (bù), because 好 is a third tone. See Chinese tones.
抱歉: formal and written
抱歉 is what you read in emails, announcements, and apologies from businesses: 很抱歉，航班延误了 (We’re sorry, the flight is delayed). In speech it sounds more formal than 对不起. 不好意思，让你久等了 (sorry to keep you waiting) is the spoken equivalent in many situations.
How to accept an apology
| Chinese | Pinyin | English |
|---|---|---|
| 没关系 (沒關係) | méi guānxi | That’s OK, it doesn’t matter |
| 没事 (沒事) ★ | méi shì | No problem, it’s nothing |
| 没事儿 (沒事兒) | méi shìr | Same, with the northern "r" |
| 不要紧 (不要緊) | bú yàojǐn | It’s not important |
| 没问题 (沒問題) | méi wèntí | No problem |
没关系 is the textbook reply to 对不起. 没事 is more casual and very common.
Sorry as sympathy
对不起 is an apology, so it does not work for "I’m sorry to hear that". Use 真遗憾 (zhēn yíhàn, what a pity) for disappointing news, and 请节哀 (qǐng jié’āi, please contain your grief) to someone who has lost a family member.
Example sentences
| Chinese | Pinyin | English |
|---|---|---|
| 对不起，我忘了你的生日。 | Duìbuqǐ, wǒ wàng le nǐ de shēngrì. | I’m sorry, I forgot your birthday. |
| 不好意思，我来晚了。 | Bù hǎoyìsi, wǒ lái wǎn le. | Sorry I’m late. |
| 不好意思，可以帮我拍张照吗？ | Bù hǎoyìsi, kěyǐ bāng wǒ pāi zhāng zhào ma? | Excuse me, could you take a photo for me? |
| 借过一下，谢谢。 | Jièguò yíxià, xièxie. | Excuse me, coming through, thanks. |
| 对不起！ 没关系。 | Duìbuqǐ! Méi guānxi. | Sorry! That’s OK. |
| 很抱歉给您带来不便。 | Hěn bàoqiàn gěi nín dàilái búbiàn. | We apologize for the inconvenience. |
Common mistakes
- Saying 对不起 to get someone’s attention. Use 不好意思 or 请问.
- Using 对不起 for sympathy. It means "it was my fault". Say 真遗憾 or 请节哀.
- Stressing every syllable of 对不起. The 不 is light: duìbuqǐ.
- Answering 对不起 with 不客气. 不客气 answers thanks. After an apology, say 没关系 or 没事. More on thanks: thank you in Chinese.