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Slang file #021Here to stayDating

What does ghosting mean?

Say itGOH-sting/ˈɡoʊ.stɪŋ/verb (ghost) and noun

Suddenly ending all contact with someone, without explaining why, usually by no longer answering their messages or calls.

Written by the Second Language TeamWritten

Ghosting means suddenly stopping all contact with someone, with no explanation. You stop answering their texts, ignore their calls, and disappear like a ghost. You will see it most in talk about dating, but people also ghost friends, job candidates, and even employers.

Say it like ghost plus -ing: GOH-sting. The h is silent. The word is casual but not rude, and people of all ages use it, even in the news. People do not like the behavior, but the word itself is fine to say.

Word stats

How casual
Informal, but so common that news articles use it. Keep it out of formal writing.
OK at work
Fine when you talk about work (“the recruiter ghosted me”). Just don’t do it to your boss.
Grandma-safe
Totally safe. Your aunt might even ask if you got ghosted after your last date.
Cringe risk
Low. It is a normal word now, not a trendy one, so nobody will think you’re trying too hard.
Freshness
Steady. About as many people look it up as last year, because people keep getting ghosted.

Spotted in the wild

Group chat · Sunday, 8:15 pm
  1. Anawait how did the date with Marco go??
  2. Youit was great, we talked for 3 hours. that was 9 days ago. no reply since 💀
  3. Anaoh no. you got ghosted
  4. Jesshis loss honestly

What it means here: Marco stopped answering after the date and never explained why.

Work chat · #hiring
  1. Danielthe candidate for the design job didn’t show up to the interview
  2. Priyadid she email?
  3. Danielnothing. her phone goes straight to voicemail
  4. Youanother ghosting. that’s the third one this month

What it means here: The candidate disappeared without telling the company anything.

Text · Saturday, 1:20 am
  1. Samwhere did you go?? we were about to cut the cake
  2. Yousorry I ghosted, I was so tired 😅
  3. Samlol you always do this

What it means here: Here it means you left the party without saying goodbye. You did not stop talking to Sam.

How to use it

  • ghost someoneHe ghosted me after our second date.
  • get / be ghostedI got ghosted by three companies this month.
  • ghosting (noun)Ghosting is really common in online dating.
  • a ghosterBe careful with him, he’s a known ghoster.
  • ghost (an event)I’m so tired, I might ghost the party around midnight.

Don’t say it like this

  • Sounds offHe ghosting me.

    Say thisHe ghosted me. / He is ghosting me.

    The verb is "ghost", and it takes normal verb endings: ghost, ghosts, ghosted, is ghosting.

  • Sounds offI ghosted by him.

    Say thisI was ghosted by him. / I got ghosted.

    Without "was" or "got", it sounds like you did the ghosting. Add one to show it happened to you.

  • Sounds offMy friend didn’t reply for two hours. She ghosted me!

    Say thisMy friend hasn’t replied yet.

    Ghosting means the contact stops for good. A slow reply is just a busy day.

  • Sounds offDear Ms. Park, your company ghosted me after my interview.

    Say thisDear Ms. Park, I have not received a reply since my interview on May 3.

    Ghosting is informal. In a formal email, describe what happened in plain words.

ghosting or not?

Is each of these ghosting? Pick an answer to find out.

  1. You go on three dates with someone. Then they stop answering your texts and calls and never explain.

  2. Your friend texts, "Crazy week, can we talk on Sunday?"

  3. You quietly leave a big party at 1 am without saying goodbye to anyone.

  4. A coworker answers your email a day late because she was sick.

The ghosting family

  • left on readSomeone saw your message (the app says "Read") but did not answer.Often the first step of ghosting. That tiny word "Read" hurts more than it should.
  • slow fadeReplying less and less until the contact stops. Also called soft ghosting.Ghosting, but in slow motion.
  • breadcrumbingSending small, rare messages to keep someone interested, with no real plans.Just enough attention to keep you waiting by your phone.

Where it came from

  1. 1800sThe verb ghost means to move quietly, like a ghost. The modern slang grows out of this older meaning [1].
  2. 2004–2006First, ghost starts to mean leaving suddenly without saying goodbye (2004). By 2006 it also means cutting off all contact with someone [1].
  3. 2015Collins puts ghosting on its shortlist for Word of the Year (binge-watch wins). Its announcement mentions the very public news that actress Charlize Theron ended her engagement to actor Sean Penn this way [2].
  4. February 2017Merriam-Webster adds the new meaning of ghost to its dictionary [1].

Ghosting a person, a party, or a screen?

Ghosting has more than one meaning. The first one in this table is the one you will see most.

MeaningExampleWhere you see it
Stopping all contact with someone"She ghosted me after one date."Dating, friends, jobs, almost everywhere
Leaving an event without saying goodbye"Sorry, I ghosted the party early."Friends talking about parties and events
A faint double image on a screen"This old TV has bad ghosting."Tech reviews, monitors, video games

The party meaning is actually older. Merriam-Webster traces it to 2004, two years before the "stop all contact" meaning [1]. An old phrase for the same thing is French leave, but few people say it today.

How can you tell which meaning someone wants? Look at what gets ghosted. When you ghost a person, you leave them for good. When you ghost a party, you leave for one night. When someone just says "sorry I ghosted," with nothing after it, check the context: they may have left an event early, or just stopped replying for a while.

Sources

  1. A New Meaning of the Verb 'Ghost' (Words We're Watching)Merriam-Webster
  2. 'Binge-watch' – Collins Word of the Year 2015Collins Dictionary Language Blog

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